Scales

Chapter Nineteen | Table of Contents | Chapter Twenty (Part II)

NRSG: A good day, everyone, and welcome back to BattleAxe! Last time, Gorgrael finally deigned to show up and the book became a good deal more readable.

Before I begin the reader post, I would like to show the reworked counts for this venture:

A Better Chapter Name

This one goes for the quite silly chapter names we will be getting. It may not be a big issue, but it is quite noticeable, so I thought this fair.

A Better Commando Name: 30

This one goes for the awful names in this series, of which there are quite a lot.

All The Isms: 10

For the bigoted stuff in the series that does not fall beneath another header.

Axis Is Angry: 9

For Axis’s charming habit of continually getting angry.

Cardboard Worldbuilding: 33 (plus 4 points for worldbuilding stuff filed under This Is Not How Things Work before now.)

A renaming of the older A Gold Star for Worldbuilding, with the current name having been based on a count by Leliel.

Consent No, Incest Yes

I think the title speaks for itself. Yes, this will unfortunately be quite a thing later on.

Edgy Equals Mature, Right?: 12

For when Douglass is overly edgy.

Faraday Feels Bad: 6

For when Faraday… feels bad, because Douglass does not like her.

FYRP: 92

For all the ways in which the racism plot fails.

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 4

Adapted from Lady Fofa’s spork of the Wings series. This goes for the times when Douglass gets things flat-out wrong. It has two points for the talk of the grasslands, 1 point for Douglass saying that devotion to the Seneschal would be too “peasantish”, and 1 for the implication that the Acharites do not know astronomy.

Ill Logic: 27

For the times the logic in this series is not sound.

IYES: 11

For the ways in which the environmental subplot fails.

Healthy Like Arsenic

For when the romantic relationships do not work out well.

Maria Monk Redux: 35

For the rampant anti-Catholicism of this book.

Morals for Thee But Not for Me: 29

A merger of Look Away and This Is Fine. This covers the awful behaviour of the supposed “heroes”.

No-Wave Feminism: 20

For when this “feminist” series… really is not.

Papier-Mâché Villains: 19

For when the villains are less than impressive or villainous.

Petty Ain’t the Word for You: 27

Because Douglass seems to rather dislike some characters.

PPP: 101

Because this series truly needed a few more editing passes.

Talk Like a Natural: 2

For when the dialogue in this series is very unnatural, which happens quite often. (I have added a point for GoldFeather’s dialogue in chapter 4.)

Tone Soap: 29

For whenever the tone is off or not cohesive.

What Is Even Going On Here?

For the times I am not exactly sure what is happening.

And that is what we will be using for the rest of this!

Now for my reflections. First, I want to retract my complaints about Axis’s braid, because there is no reason he cannot change from a tail to a braid.

PPP: 100

This was still incurred in only 6 chapters and the glossary.

Also, I would like to give this for Yr’s behaviour at the start of the previous chapter:

Tone Soap: 30

Finally, because Gorgrael did not do anything very villainous last time:

Papier-Mâché Villains: 20

Now for the reader post:

Epistler notes that the title “A Cloudy Day” is much too silly for the previous chapter.

A Better Chapter Title: 1

Tone Soap: 31

Art Case notes, via Chessy, that wind cannot pull hair free from a braid like Douglass describes it.

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 5

Chessy notes that Timozel would probably not be wearing his hair loose if it is “too-long”.

Ill Logic: 28

She further notes that the “boiling” clouds are only to be expected. I also see that they are described to do so “in defiance of the wind”. Let me see…

They are going from the Ancient Barrows to Arcen. That means, looking at the map, that they are going to the northeast. The wind is coming from the north, and when they go northeast, they are going into the clouds. That does not contradict each other.

They are even going to the north at this point, as they are going into the wind! The clouds are going along with the wind. They are doing nothing in defiance of it. What are you talking about, Douglass??

(I am, at least, quite certain that she meant the cloud moved differently from the wind, to emphasise how ~unnatural~ this is.)

And I truly do not see how “boiling” would go against the wind. The clouds make their own airflow, after all.

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 7

PPP: 101

Next, she points out that the death scene of Faraday’s maid makes little sense. There is no indication of the maid’s horse, after all. My best guess is that she was supposed to have fallen, never mind that she had ridden a horse for quite some time already and would probably have held on tight exactly because of these bad conditions.

Edgy Equals Mature, Right?: 13

Ill Logic: 29

The first point is because I highly suspect that Douglass only wrote this in to have someone die, no matter how she got there.

Chessy also points out that it makes little sense for Faraday to cling to her horse’s mane, rather than the saddle. I do not know either.

Ill Logic: 30

Finally, Epistler notes that “dreadful” is not exactly the right word to use for Gorgrael’s attack, as it sounds more “snippily disapproving” than it condemns the attack. Relatedly, while talking to Art Case, I realised that we are probably supposed to be disgusted during that sequence, both by Gorgrael’s appearance as by his claim to have had sex with Rivkah. I will leave that for now, but I do not like it.

With that out of the way, let me go on with the next chapter!

Chapter Twenty: The Storm

That is certainly a more appropriate chapter title.

We open on a block of omniscient narration, because that is certain to engage us. Well, few of the Axe-Wielders are aware of Grograel’s appearance, and “Faraday, her mother and Timozel” have completely missed it. No mention of the remaining maid? What, does she not count because she is “only” a maid?

All the Isms: 11 (classism)

The first riders are approaching the Barrows, but the storm is “rapidly gaining” on them. Axis, Ogden and Veremund are already “encased in heavy rain” and their horses find it increasingly hard to keep their footing in the mud that the Axe-Wielders have churned up. The wind strengthens to a gale and Axis bends over Belaguez’s neck to give him as much assistance as possible. Ogden “[clings] on grimly” behind him. Because of Belaguez’s heavy load, Veremund’s donkey can keep pace. Ogden’s donkey has disappeared.

Cut back to Timozel and Faraday nearing the Barrows, “Merlion and her maid close behind” (the maid who was said to have died last chapter). Timozel grabs the bridle of Faraday’s horse and pulls it to the shelter of one of the Barrows. The rain has reached the Barrows now, “streaming down from the sky in unnatural floods, driven by the brutal wind”. Everyone is “drenched to the skin”, no matter if they are wearing “a heavy sealskin cloak”. Humans and horses go toward the most sheltered spots, and people shouting, horses neighing and the sound of the storm can be heard.

Why is all of this in omniscient?! This is supposed to be a tense scene, but this completely kills the tension. In another medium, I would describe this as a voice-over telling us this over blurry images of what is happening. It sucks!

PPP: 101

And the next paragraph, we are abruptly back into a POV. Faraday pulls her horse to a stop and looks around her “frantically”. She asks Timozel where Merlion is. Last we heard, she was riding behind them… so this does not sound good.

Timozel shouts at her to get off her horse because they have to find shelter now. He slides off his “bay gelding” and stumbles to Faraday. However, Faraday tugs on the reins of her horse, “trying to kick it into the turmoil about her”. She shouts for Merlion, “desperately searching”.

Timozel closes his eyes against the rain, reaches up, fumbles with “Faraday’s soaked cloak” for a moment and then grabs her waist and “haul[s] her unceremoniously off the horse”. Hmmm. I cannot exactly fault him here; the situation is quite dangerous, after all, and if Faraday went back into the stream of people, she might get hurt. And he also saw Faraday’s maid just die under those circumstances, so this is not exactly unreasonable.

On the other hand, I can see why Faraday would want to do this, too. Merlion is probably in great danger, and since Faraday can possibly help, she should.

I somehow doubt Douglass though of all this, though. Faraday “wail[s]” Timozel’s name and tries to pull free, but she loses her balance and falls to her knees in the mud. Her horse swerves into the confusion around them, so Yr jumps off its back, “feet and claws extended, wet fur standing in spikes all over her body”. She lands on “the back of Timozel’s head and neck”.

What was that necessary for? She could have tried to jump to the ground next to them! I get the feeling she does this because Timozel pulled Faraday off her horse, which is… quite disproportional.

Morals for Thee But Not for Me: 30

Petty Ain’t the Word for You: 28

““Ug!” grunt[s] Timozel” as he collapses on Faraday and pushes them both into the ground. Why use “ug” instead of “ugh”? Not that it is wrong, it just sticks out a bit to me. Omniscient narration then tells us that her leap “undoubtedly saved all three of their lives”. I doubt that Yr knew this when she did so, and she could still have jumped somewhere else on him, so I still do not like it.

Just as Timozel collapses on Faraday, “a great sheet of what appear[s] to be lightning spear[s] through the sky”, hitting Faraday’s horse “as it turn[s] to bolt into the storm”. Timozel rolls off Faraday and looks through the rain. Not “four paces from them”, Faraday’s horse lies still, “its head shattered by a massive spear of thick ice.”

1) Poor horse!

2) It seems Gorgrael has become serious! I would not have expected this from his previous conduct, but it seems he can indeed be a threat. It also seems this book is actually speeding up!

3) So how did Yr’s jump save all three their lives? The spear would not have hit Timozel or Faraday anyway, and Yr, since she was on the horse’s back, would have been small enough not to be hit. If anything, Timozel saved Faraday by pulling her from her horse!

PPP: 102

Timozel gapes, “unable to believe what he [is] seeing”. Just then, more ice spears come raining from the sky; “those men and horses” who are still between the Barrows take “the full impact of the dreadful deluge”. Well, that went wrong very fast! It is also much more engaging than all that came before it.

Timozel grabs Faraday by the shoulders and pulls her out of the mud. He shouts at her that they need to get out of here and tells her to move. Then he pulls her to her feet, which leaves her with just enough time to pluck Yr from the mud. Timozel then pulls them, “hunched over as far as they [can] go”, toward the lee of the closest Barrow, which is about “thirty paces distant”. Around them, they can hear “[d]readful screams of those transfixed by the ice spears”.

And, of course, those come only from those who are still alive and hurt in such a way that they can scream. So, effectively done, Douglass. Though I would wish she had used a word other than “transfixed”, as that does not fit the tone of the scene at all.

They manage to take “about fifteen faltering paces”, during which they are “buffeted” by humans, horses and the wind and rain. Then, “the dying body of a headless horse [strikes] Timozel squarely on the shoulder”. Timozel shouts “No!” as he and Faraday drop to their knees in the mud again.

Um, what happened just now? This makes very little sense.

How was this horse decapitated? I guess it is supposed to have been an ice spear, but I doubt that that would cut off the head so cleanly. Also, if the horse was going fast enough to hit Timozel now, where is the ice spear?

Furthermore, how can the horse hit Timozel “squarely on his shoulder”? I think the horse would be too large to do that; it would have to hit his back, too.

Finally, if he is hit “squarely” by a horse, why is Timozel only pushed down a bit? I would think it would fall on top of him! With what we get, this truly seems more like a glancing blow to his shoulder, after which the horse collapsed away from him.

I truly get the impression that Douglass put this in for the edge, especially since it is a headless horse, without considering the consequences at all.

Edgy Equals Mature, Right?: 14 (this is the essence of the count)

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 8

What Is Even Going On Here?: 2 (one for now and one for Faraday’s maid)

Well, Timozel tries to pull Faraday up again, but she “shriek[s] in complete horror” and pulls herself out of his hand before he can do so. He says Faraday’s shocked face and he looks down. And… let me just quote the next piece in full:

Lying on the ground, so close that Faraday’s knees were touching the body, was the lifeless form of Merlion. A few paces away was the body of her maid, crushed under her horse. An ice spear had caught Lady Merlion in the back as she ran towards the Barrow, and now protruded in jagged red-tipped spikes from her belly and breast. The rain had washed most of the blood from her face and her lifeless eyes stared into the murderous heavens, the heavy raindrops making small indentations on the surface of her eyeballs before running like tears of sorrow down her pale cheeks.

It is appropriately sad and the prose is also quite good here. It is also a good way to show us the evil things Gorgrael does and to make it have impact. Finally, I do appreciate that Faraday fell right against Merlion’s body just now. It just fits with the tone Douglass wants to set. So kudos for that.

I still do have quite a bit to complain about this.

First, what have we seen of Merlion and the maids? The maids have had literally no characterisation and no lines and Merlion does not fare much better. I can get a feeling for what she is like, but it is not very clear. So this loses a lot of the impact it might have had. I am also just peeved at them being killed here because of that.

Well, now for a closer look. And again my first question is: what has even happened here?

- Why did Merlion dismount? She would have reached the Barrows faster on her horse, after all.

- For that matter, why did her maid dismount? Did Merlion hear Faraday and then decide to join her on foot for some reason, while convincing her maid to go along?

Ill Logic: 31 (+2)

- Also, why is Merlion’s horse not her, while her maid’s horse is? I guess they could have led the horses along on foot, and Merlion’s horse fled when she was hit by the ice spear?

- And then the maid’s horse also tried to flee, but was hit by an ice spear, too, and fell on the maid, crushing her.

- Yes, that makes sense! I do note that we are given no reason at all why the maid’s horse died. Was it supposed to be a heart attack because of the storm or something?

- I also note that “her horse” is ambiguous here; I do not know whose horse the maid lies under, which does matter, not only to keep track of who is still alive, but also for how she died.

PPP: 103

What Is Even Going On Here?: 4 (+2)

Also, how is Merlion lying? She presumably fell forward when she was hit, and yet her face is turned to the sky? Oh, is she supposed to be lying on her side, with her head turned upwards? That would be nice to know.

PPP: 104

Further, why would there be much blood on her face? She was hit in the back, after all, and her face is described as looking upwards. Yes, there would probably be some blood on her face, but the blood would not flow towards it.

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 9

Finally, how are the raindrops making “small indentations” on Merlion’s eyes?? If that would be the case, then why do Faraday and Timozel not notice this? And this is simply not how things work. Raindrops spread out when they hit a surface. They simply do not have the power to dent a person’s eyes at the speed they are falling at!

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 10

(shaking head) It is just… what. How can you even get this wrong?

Well, back to the story at hand. Timozel pulls his gaze from “the dreadful sight” (of the dented eyes!) and gropes for Faraday’s shoulders. We get this:

Artor save them! he thought numbly, for surely nothing else would.

So… either he only wishes for Artor to save Faraday and Yr, or he has slipped into third person.

PPP: 105

Also, why is he only praying to Artor because “nothing else would”? Would this not be a given for him?

Maria Monk Redux: 36

I thought we would be rid of that for the time being, but it seems not.

He tries to speak but no sound comes. By now, Faraday has gone from screaming to “a series of heart-rending wails”. She drops Yr and pats at Merlion’s body “as if it was somehow possible to put her back together again”.

Hmm, this does work for me; I can certainly empathise to an extent with Faraday and Timozel (why could the story not be about them?). The last phrase does bother me, though.

One, Merlion would not need to be “put back together”. She got an ice spear to the back, which means that she did not “lose any pieces”, so to say.

PPP: 106

Two, especially because of that, this feels quite irreverent here. Merlion is not a broken vase that Faraday is trying to fix, Douglass!

Tone Soap: 32

Timozel “mumble[s] feebly” to Faraday to come along. Faraday does not hear him at all, and he begins to cry himself, “overcome by the dead and dying about him”, his tears mixing with the rain. He says that this is not how he “envisioned death”. Warriors ought to die “nobly” on the field of battle while fighting a foe of flesh and blood, not “this terror that rain[s] down from a demonic sky”. I see there is a comma splice here.

PPP: 107

He closes his eyes and puts his head on Faraday’s shoulder, “resigned to their imminent death”. This is genuinely the best of the book so far! I do really care about these people and this scene is also quite good at doing what Douglass wants.

Just then, as “soft burred voice” sounds. It seems Jack has answered Yr’s call, then. He says that it is time for Timozel to move, as it is “[n]o use staying here in this weather”. He tells Faraday to take his hand.

Timozel lifts his head and looks back. We get a description of Jack, who is “leaning down and smiling into [Timozel’s] eyes”. He seems “totally unmoved” by the carnage. Jack, Merlion and her maid are lying dead in front of you. Can you please be somewhat mindful of that? I hate him.

Timozel thinks that Jack must be “simple” (I am afraid he is simply awful). He wonders what a peasant is doing in “this nightmare”. He decides that none of it can be happening, that he must have died (maybe when the horse hit him?) and that he has “gone for [his] sins into the crazed pits of the AfterLife”.

Jack says no, smiling wider for a moment. He says it is all happening, “as true as the sun do rise every morning”. (So… it is not exactly true, given that this does often does not happen within the polar circles.)

So Jack just read Timozel’s mind? That is the only way he could know that Timozel thinks he is in the AfterLife. There is no good reason for this at all!

Morals for Thee But Not for Me: 31

Only Yr has not yet read anyone’s mind yet, I think. They are all so awful!

Well, Jack says it is “dreadful” that Gorgrael has “reached so far”. So the problem is that he can project his power to the Ancient Barrows, and not that he is killing people? I think it ought not to surprise me… He says there were too many of them and they made “too enticing a target”. But no admission that maybe that was the wrong thing to do.

He tells them to move, as they do not know what Gorgrael’s “next trick” might be. Once Faraday sees him, her wails “abate[] a little”. Jack tells her to come again and Timozel now notes some strain in his voice. Jack pulls both Faraday and Timozel to their feet. He tells Yr she will have to walk by herself for a bit. If she keeps close, she should be able to make it as the worst of the storm has passed.

Yr keeps close to Faraday as Jack leads them across the remaining ground “to the side of the Barrow”, going smoothly past the dead men and horses that lie in their path. He holds a “soothing monologue about nothing in particular” while they do so, which calms Faraday and Timozel. Well, that is certainly nice of him.

The ice spears have stopped falling now and, while it is still windy and rainy, it now feels like “a normal autumn gale” instead of something supernatural. That might have been nice to show us a bit more… Still, the storm is over! That is great! Jack stops at a place where “several dozen men and one or two horses” find shelter against “the steepest part of the Barrow” (because that is in the lee of the wind) and turns to Timozel.

And there I would like to stop for now, as this is getting quite long as it is. Let me then set the boundary for breaking a chapter in two parts at 2537 words, that for three parts at 5071 and that for four at 7611… and that is that.

Until next time, then!